Risky Marriage Styles
By John Thurman M.Div., M.A., LCMHC
What about Sandra Bullock's marriage, put it at a high risk for an affair?
First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes the couple with a baby carriage.
It doesn’t always work out that way does it? With over thirty-five years in the people helping business I have never met someone who planned on cheating on their spouse or having an affair. I don’t believe anyone starts off a marriage with any idea that it could crash and burn because of a third party. Having said that, I am amazed at how much a couple will spend on a wedding without investing in some premarital counseling. It seems that or media-based culture has put more emphasis on the event than on the relationship.
Whatever happened to the vows, to love and cherish, in sickness and in health, for better or for worse…All that being said, research has shown us that there are certain styles of marriage that are at a higher risk for and affair.
My mentor and friend, Dave Carder, first wrote of these styles in his book Torn Asunder and expands this concept in his book Close Calls: What Adulterers Want You to Know about Protecting Your Marriage.
Marital Styles
The Windshield Wiper – This type of marriage centers on avoiding intimacy at all costs through bickering, fighting, demands, criticism, mean-spirited teasing, stated disappointments and even open conflict.
Dial Tone – This is most like the dial tone on your land line phone. There is never any deviation, no variation, extremely predictable and conflict is always avoided. One example; She puts the food on his plate because; “He won’t eat right unless I put it in front of him.”
Empty Nest – This couple looks good on the outside. They are the perfect, conscientious business man or the perfect mother. They have put their time in, done their duty, and are out of the door the around the same time the last child goes off to either school or marriage.
If you are feeling like you fall into one of these styles be sure to take measures to protect your relationship. If you would like a realistic look at your relationship, why not check out the Couple’s Checkup.
Keep and eye on your heart, mind, and marriage.
John Thurman
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1 comment:
Hmmm your article seems quite interesting. I can't understand why people do extramarital affairs. When you are in a committed relationship, it’s never okay to step out with someone else.
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