Blindsided: How to Avoid an Affair, Part 1 - High Risk People

By John H. Thurman Jr., M.Div.,M.A., LCMHC

Hearing the news about the affair that Sandra Bullock's husband, Jessie James had, was a disappointment. I have enjoyed her acting for years, and after watching her interview with Barbara Walters and hear her quote, "He is the first man who has ever had my back" I was ticked to her about the affair.

As a therapist, who treats people for Affair Recovery, I wish men would learn to think with the big brain and not other body parts.

“How did this happen?” is a question routinely asked by an unfaithful spouse once they have been discovered. That is one question that has been in the news lately. Be it a Southern politician with a mistress in Argentine or a former Presidential candidate, a preacher, or the businessman, businesswoman in the office next door or a stay at home mom just down the street.

Extramarital affairs are one of the “Frequent fliers” in my counseling practice. Not that I would ever wish it on anybody because recovery from such a devastating event is doable but very tough.

Several years ago, I met Dave Carder, a therapist in Southern California, who specializes in Affair Recovery. His book Torn Asunder has revolutionized my work with couples who are trying to repair their marriage as a result of infidelity.
In his training, he is quick to point out that there are numerous predictable patterns than can identify those at risk for an affair. His most recent book, Close Calls: What Adulterers Want You to Know about Protecting Your Marriage, gives the reader important information in affair prevention.

Over the next few postings I will review them. Be sure to pick up your copy of Close Calls, it could save your life, your marriage, your job, and your soul.

Close Call Tip # 1 – Know Your Dangerous Partner Profile
• You don’t marry someone like your dangerous profile partner because, in your gut, you knew that they would not be a good, long-term investment.
• You spouse probably is different that your dangerous profile partner, but that does not mean they are less attractive to you.
• The dangerous partner profile can be made up of those individuals that seem to meet all of the deficits and shortcomings that you bring into your marriage.
• The dangerous person often defies all of your culture, training, common sense and values. Logic has nothing to do with it.
• A dangerous partner profile lurks within all of us and should be dealt with.
For more information read pages 17-37 in Close Calls.
Need Affair Recover? Contact John Thurman.

Fight for your Marriage,
John Thurman