By John H. Thurman Jr., M.Div. M.A., LCMHC
I am a little worked up over the news about Sandra Bullock's husband, Jessie James's cheating on this lovely actress who won an Oscar for Blindsided. Here are some things you can do to prevent having an affair.
Marriage is a commitment, marriage is hard work, and marriage is risky business. In this second installment of Avoiding Extramarital Affair, I will be reviewing personal risk factors you could face.
What are your risk factors for an affair? Hint: We are all at some risk.
In his book Close Calls: What Adulterers Want you to Know about Protecting Your Marriage, Dave Carder does an exceptional job unveiling the personal factors that can contribute to a close call.
High-Risk Family of Origin Issues
• A family history of infidelity
• Single Parent/Step Family
• Physically Abusive/Chronically Conflicted Family
High-Risk Personal Factors
• Sexual Molestation – The National Center for Victims of Crimes suggests that between 20-40 percent of young women and up to 20 percent of young men report having been sexually molested when they were minors.
• Adolescent Promiscuity – Some experts state that this would represent a person who has had six or more partners between ages thirteen to twenty. This is one great reason for abstinence for young people.
• Learning Disabilities and ADHD
• A Lack of Personal Boundaries or a Personality Style that would tend to be very dependent.
• A Lack of a Moral Compass
• An Indulgent Lifestyle
John's #1 recommendation for Affair Recovery is Dave Carder's book Torn Asunder
Live wisely, know yourself,
John Thurman
Looking for a therapist who can help your relationship recover from an affair? Contact John
Socrates said, “An unexamined life is not worth living.”
Proverbs 11:29
Those who bring trouble on their families inherit the wind. The fool will be a servant to the wise.
Holy Bible, New Living Translation ®, copyright © 1996, 2004 by Tyndale Charitable Trust. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers. All rights reserved.
Showing posts with label extramarital affairs. Show all posts
Showing posts with label extramarital affairs. Show all posts
Sunday, July 12, 2009
Blindsided: How to Avoid an Affair, Part 1 - High Risk People
By John H. Thurman Jr., M.Div.,M.A., LCMHC
Hearing the news about the affair that Sandra Bullock's husband, Jessie James had, was a disappointment. I have enjoyed her acting for years, and after watching her interview with Barbara Walters and hear her quote, "He is the first man who has ever had my back" I was ticked to her about the affair.
As a therapist, who treats people for Affair Recovery, I wish men would learn to think with the big brain and not other body parts.
“How did this happen?” is a question routinely asked by an unfaithful spouse once they have been discovered. That is one question that has been in the news lately. Be it a Southern politician with a mistress in Argentine or a former Presidential candidate, a preacher, or the businessman, businesswoman in the office next door or a stay at home mom just down the street.
Extramarital affairs are one of the “Frequent fliers” in my counseling practice. Not that I would ever wish it on anybody because recovery from such a devastating event is doable but very tough.
Several years ago, I met Dave Carder, a therapist in Southern California, who specializes in Affair Recovery. His book Torn Asunder has revolutionized my work with couples who are trying to repair their marriage as a result of infidelity.
In his training, he is quick to point out that there are numerous predictable patterns than can identify those at risk for an affair. His most recent book, Close Calls: What Adulterers Want You to Know about Protecting Your Marriage, gives the reader important information in affair prevention.
Over the next few postings I will review them. Be sure to pick up your copy of Close Calls, it could save your life, your marriage, your job, and your soul.
Close Call Tip # 1 – Know Your Dangerous Partner Profile
• You don’t marry someone like your dangerous profile partner because, in your gut, you knew that they would not be a good, long-term investment.
• You spouse probably is different that your dangerous profile partner, but that does not mean they are less attractive to you.
• The dangerous partner profile can be made up of those individuals that seem to meet all of the deficits and shortcomings that you bring into your marriage.
• The dangerous person often defies all of your culture, training, common sense and values. Logic has nothing to do with it.
• A dangerous partner profile lurks within all of us and should be dealt with.
For more information read pages 17-37 in Close Calls.
Need Affair Recover? Contact John Thurman.
Fight for your Marriage,
John Thurman
Hearing the news about the affair that Sandra Bullock's husband, Jessie James had, was a disappointment. I have enjoyed her acting for years, and after watching her interview with Barbara Walters and hear her quote, "He is the first man who has ever had my back" I was ticked to her about the affair.
As a therapist, who treats people for Affair Recovery, I wish men would learn to think with the big brain and not other body parts.
“How did this happen?” is a question routinely asked by an unfaithful spouse once they have been discovered. That is one question that has been in the news lately. Be it a Southern politician with a mistress in Argentine or a former Presidential candidate, a preacher, or the businessman, businesswoman in the office next door or a stay at home mom just down the street.
Extramarital affairs are one of the “Frequent fliers” in my counseling practice. Not that I would ever wish it on anybody because recovery from such a devastating event is doable but very tough.
Several years ago, I met Dave Carder, a therapist in Southern California, who specializes in Affair Recovery. His book Torn Asunder has revolutionized my work with couples who are trying to repair their marriage as a result of infidelity.
In his training, he is quick to point out that there are numerous predictable patterns than can identify those at risk for an affair. His most recent book, Close Calls: What Adulterers Want You to Know about Protecting Your Marriage, gives the reader important information in affair prevention.
Over the next few postings I will review them. Be sure to pick up your copy of Close Calls, it could save your life, your marriage, your job, and your soul.
Close Call Tip # 1 – Know Your Dangerous Partner Profile
• You don’t marry someone like your dangerous profile partner because, in your gut, you knew that they would not be a good, long-term investment.
• You spouse probably is different that your dangerous profile partner, but that does not mean they are less attractive to you.
• The dangerous partner profile can be made up of those individuals that seem to meet all of the deficits and shortcomings that you bring into your marriage.
• The dangerous person often defies all of your culture, training, common sense and values. Logic has nothing to do with it.
• A dangerous partner profile lurks within all of us and should be dealt with.
For more information read pages 17-37 in Close Calls.
Need Affair Recover? Contact John Thurman.
Fight for your Marriage,
John Thurman
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