He came into my office visibly upset we shared a quick greeting and before you know it he shoved a cell phone close to my eyes and said, “Look at this!” I was thrown for a loop when I began to focus on the screen of his fifteen year old daughter’s cell phone. It was her sans blouse and supporting garments. First of all there is no woman young or old that I need to see other than my wife. This still somewhat shocking episode, but it began a new phase of my counseling practice, working with parents and their teens after the teen has been busted for sexting.
Since that cold winter day a little over a year and a half ago I have worked with a dozen or so teens and their families coming to terms with this phenomenon.
How has this happened? First of all teens are not well known for impulse control, but up until the advent of the camera phone and web cams, the photos of nude and semi-nude teens was regulated to “Girls Gone Wild,” and other shady and pornographic sites, but that has all changed and parents need to wake up and smell the coffee.
What most parents don’t realize is that their kids can sometime play them for the fool. You don’t have to be a techno wizard or a curator of pop culture to know a little bit about Facebook, My Space, and tweeting on Twitter. In an article from the current Reader’s Digest, Pamela Paul, author of Pornified: How Pornography is Transforming our Lives, Our Relationships, and Our Families, “It ‘s pretty appalling…Among girls and boys, porn has become increasingly accepted, even as kind of cool.” A far cry from sneaking a peak at you older brother’s Playboy. Now, nude and semi-nude images of young men and women are a mere click or two away from any internet user.
Here are some guidelines:
You are the parent-you have every right to have access to your child internet accounts and cell phone, after all, you do pay for them. Forget about their privacy, accept when it comes to using the bathroom and dressing. Be nosy, know where they are going and where they have been. Here are some resources that can help.
www.wiredmoms.com - you should really check this group out, they will show you how to check up on you kids.
Cell Phone Spy Elite-a device from www.security.com that retrieves deleted text messages from cell phones.
Sage Eyes, from internet safety.com. tracks your kids instant messaging, monitors online social networks, and can impose online minute restrictions.
www.websafety.com-software you can load into your kid’s cellphone and computer alerts that will advise you if inappropriate content is going out.
www.yoursphere.com-a fairly safe social network
LMK, for “Let Me Know,” is based on the Girl Scouts site (lmk.girlscouts.org), where girls can talk to other girls about internet safety. Keep buying those cookies.
Saturday, May 2, 2009
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