Get a Grip on Perseverance
By John Thurman
Remember the story of The Little Engine that Could?
Whether you read it as a child, or like many from my generation, saw the cartoon on Captain Kangaroo, you will recall that it is a wonderful lesson on perseverance.
One of the most memorable lines from the story is when the Little Engine says, “I think I can. I think I can.” It is a wonderful story about a small railroad engine that had seen better days. As newer, faster, stronger trains were developed, the little engine felt minimized and was assigned to the rail yard. Events unfold, and like any Hallmark movie, the little engine, through courage and perseverance saves the day.
How do you get through tough times? Do you freeze with fright? Run from fear? Or do you persevere and win the day? Your attitude towards adversity determines what you do with it. No thought lives in you mind rent-free. Every thought you have either enriches your life or limits it.
By now you are either curious or a little angry at me, so allow me to show you where I am going. Over the next few weeks I will be doing a series of short articles on how to develop resilience in your personal life, your relationships, and in your business endeavors. Here is the outline I will be following over the next several weeks.
Persist no matter what
Endure discomfort
Request help from others
Steadfastly hold on to your hopes, dreams, beliefs and values
Envision victory
Very consistently maintain your focus
Embrace adversity as your teacher
Refuse to quit
Enjoy and celebrate every inch of the journey
“Nothing in this world can take the place of persistence. Talent will not; nothing is more common than unsuccessful people with talent. Genius will not; unrewarded genius is almost a proverb. Education will not; the world is full of educated derelicts. Persistence and determination alone are omnipotent. The slogan, “Press on,” has solved, and always will solve the problems of the human race.”
Calvin Coolidge, 30th President of the U.S.
As we begin to move in this direction of developing and strengthening your personal ability to persevere and develop resilience. I want to remind you of some significant, life changing truth from the Scriptures.
“Fix your thoughts in what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise.” Philippians 4:8 (NLT)
Part of moving in this new direction may require some changes in how we think about life, ourselves, God, and others.
While you and I live in a free country and are free to choose what we think about, many of us ourselves destructive things that can limit, at least temporarily, the big dreams God has for us.
Here is a exercise you can do. For the next five minutes, pay attention to almost any conversation and listen for any distorted, toxic self-talk, blaming, whining, commiserating, condemning, and justification. You will likely hear people argue in favor of their most cherished limitations. You might even notice that some will insist they are not being negative, but realistic, giving an honest description of their lives. They have convinced themselves of their own internal press.
The problem is when we fail to employ the truths of verse like Philippians 4:8, we can set in motion a series of outcomes, both large and small that makes us impotent in the face of life’s challenges. The good news is that you and I can begin to change today.
As we begin this series, let me throw down a challenge.
Where you have been, what you have done, and where you are now matters far less than where you are headed. If you continue to look into the rear view mirror of your life, you will have a wreck and possibly miss some life opportunities. If you continue to identify with both current and prior performance by constantly thinking and talking about it, then where you have been, where you are, and where you are going will become one and the same. This will show itself in your marriage, your business, and even your hobbies.
Interested in moving forward?
Through this series of articles, I will show you simple, yet powerful, principles you can begin to use to help you strengthen your ability to persevere.
The Apostle Paul said it best, “I don’t mean to say that I have already achieved these things or that I have reached perfection. But I press on... I focus on this one thing: Forgetting the past and looking forward to what lies ahead, I press on to reach the end of the race...” Philippians 3:12-14 (NLT).
(c) 2010 John Thurman
Monday, January 18, 2010
Friday, December 18, 2009
Holiday Stress Busters, or How to Keep Your Sugarplums from turning to Prunes
The Christmas season can be a time of joy and dread. It can be a time of warm memories, and joy or a season of sadness and depression.
So if you are feeling like you are a victim of the Christmas blahs, the Hanukkah malaise, the Kwanza ennui, and for the neo pagans among is, the Solstice slump here are sixteen things you can do to lower your Holiday Stress
1. Remember the reason for the season.
2. Keep your expectations in reality.
3. Chill out, go with the flow. Relax!
4. Give yourself a break from your own perfectionism.
5. Take your medications, supplements, and vitamins.
6. Get outside and exercise.
7. Shop for the really important people first.
8. Buy yourself a toy you always wanted, but don't use your credit card to get it.
9 Think before you speak. Try making a list of "Topics to Avoid"
10. Look and pray for creative solutions to problems.
11. Do something-stay active.
12. FOR STEPFAMILIES: gather on neutral ground-meet at a place that belongs to no one.
14. Go to a church serivce.
15. Take some healthy time to be alone.
16. Choose to have a Blessed and Merry Christmas.
So if you are feeling like you are a victim of the Christmas blahs, the Hanukkah malaise, the Kwanza ennui, and for the neo pagans among is, the Solstice slump here are sixteen things you can do to lower your Holiday Stress
1. Remember the reason for the season.
2. Keep your expectations in reality.
3. Chill out, go with the flow. Relax!
4. Give yourself a break from your own perfectionism.
5. Take your medications, supplements, and vitamins.
6. Get outside and exercise.
7. Shop for the really important people first.
8. Buy yourself a toy you always wanted, but don't use your credit card to get it.
9 Think before you speak. Try making a list of "Topics to Avoid"
10. Look and pray for creative solutions to problems.
11. Do something-stay active.
12. FOR STEPFAMILIES: gather on neutral ground-meet at a place that belongs to no one.
14. Go to a church serivce.
15. Take some healthy time to be alone.
16. Choose to have a Blessed and Merry Christmas.
Saturday, November 7, 2009
Sgt Kimberly Munley, Sheepdog and Hero
I doubt Sgt Kimberly Munley reported to her duty station expecting anything other than a routine day when she began her shift at Ft. Hood. Little did she know that her world as well as the world of countless soldiers and Department of Defense civilians would turn into a violent toxic mess that day.
On that day she moved from being a police sergeant to a national hero. Why? Because Sgt Kimberly Munley is a sheepdog. From what I have read, she did what she was trained to do as an armed police officer in an "active shooter" situation she ran towards the shooter and engaged him and shot him.
LTC David Grossman, author of On Killing and On Combat, and various articles on the impact o media violence, says there are three types of people in the world. I want to focus on two.
The wolf, whether in their right mind or not has a mission to intimidate, destroy and kill sheep. The sheepdog, on the other hand, loves the sheep and is willing to face danger and run toward trouble in order to protect the sheep and neutralize the wolf.
Thank God for Sheepdogs like Sgt. Munley
On that day she moved from being a police sergeant to a national hero. Why? Because Sgt Kimberly Munley is a sheepdog. From what I have read, she did what she was trained to do as an armed police officer in an "active shooter" situation she ran towards the shooter and engaged him and shot him.
LTC David Grossman, author of On Killing and On Combat, and various articles on the impact o media violence, says there are three types of people in the world. I want to focus on two.
The wolf, whether in their right mind or not has a mission to intimidate, destroy and kill sheep. The sheepdog, on the other hand, loves the sheep and is willing to face danger and run toward trouble in order to protect the sheep and neutralize the wolf.
Thank God for Sheepdogs like Sgt. Munley
Monday, November 2, 2009
Leadership Crisis in the Church
As a church ministry team consultant I regularly talk with pastors about the challenges they face in ministry. As with any profession there are certain themes that seem to always be near the surface.
George Barna has done an exceptional job of noting trends and areas of interest for church leaders. His latest book focuses on some of the key issues leaders face in 2009-2010
The Barna Group, the gold standard of Church life recently released a powerful study on Church Leadership. Here is a sample with a link:
According to the research, the specific behaviors that leaders do most poorly include:
* Negotiating agreements that maximize benefits at minimal cost
* Attracting new resources to the organization – especially human and financial capital
* Developing and implementing individualized developmental plans for emerging leaders
* Nurturing robust relationships with existing colleagues, demonstrating sufficient care and attention to their needs
The research also discovered that leaders sometimes perceive themselves to be more effective at specific aspects of leading than their performance suggests. A prime example relates to vision. While an overwhelming majority of leaders believes that they are very effective at using the organization’s vision as their chief decision-making filter, the study found that one of the greatest weaknesses of most leaders is relying on the vision to protect the organization from over-commitment. “Leaders tend to point to their vision as the reason to say ‘yes’ to opportunities,” explained George Barna. “But our research showed that there is much less willingness to use the vision as a reason to say ‘no’ to opportunities that are not in the best interests of the organization.” Link to the article
George Barna has done an exceptional job of noting trends and areas of interest for church leaders. His latest book focuses on some of the key issues leaders face in 2009-2010
The Barna Group, the gold standard of Church life recently released a powerful study on Church Leadership. Here is a sample with a link:
According to the research, the specific behaviors that leaders do most poorly include:
* Negotiating agreements that maximize benefits at minimal cost
* Attracting new resources to the organization – especially human and financial capital
* Developing and implementing individualized developmental plans for emerging leaders
* Nurturing robust relationships with existing colleagues, demonstrating sufficient care and attention to their needs
The research also discovered that leaders sometimes perceive themselves to be more effective at specific aspects of leading than their performance suggests. A prime example relates to vision. While an overwhelming majority of leaders believes that they are very effective at using the organization’s vision as their chief decision-making filter, the study found that one of the greatest weaknesses of most leaders is relying on the vision to protect the organization from over-commitment. “Leaders tend to point to their vision as the reason to say ‘yes’ to opportunities,” explained George Barna. “But our research showed that there is much less willingness to use the vision as a reason to say ‘no’ to opportunities that are not in the best interests of the organization.” Link to the article
Tuesday, October 27, 2009
Internet Safety for Kids and Moms
You should worry about your kids and the Internet. It can be a Trojan Horse in your home if you don't monitor what comes in to your home via the web.
Several months ago I wrote a series of blogs on sexting. One of the best parent friendly resources I have on the net is www.wiredmoms.com. Please check them out for all of the best tips and tricks to monitor the web in your home.
Check out my article on Net Traps
The web is a tremendous place to learn and grow, but it also has a dark side...Parents check them out www.wiremoms.com
Several months ago I wrote a series of blogs on sexting. One of the best parent friendly resources I have on the net is www.wiredmoms.com. Please check them out for all of the best tips and tricks to monitor the web in your home.
Check out my article on Net Traps
The web is a tremendous place to learn and grow, but it also has a dark side...Parents check them out www.wiremoms.com
Beware of the Falling Rocks of Fear
By John H. Thurman Jr.
Falling Rocks, you see the bright, yellow, international sign for them through the Southwest. The signs are not road decorations. They are very clear indicators of what could happen. As a matter of record, there was a bus driver killed several years ago near Taos, New Mexico due to falling rocks. The New Mexico Department of Transportation spends thousands of dollars a year trying to prevent rocks from falling on cars, people and other things.
Funny things happen when people first become aware of falling rocks. They do one of three things.
The first response is pure, unadulterated fear. When people see the sign they want to stop and turn around. They want to avoid any possibility of harm, stress or risk, so they retreat. Their idea of a bad day is being squashed like a bug and being the lead story on the ten o’clock “Breaking News.”
The second response is to drive through the dangerous pass shaking in their boots. These people do not enjoy the drive they endure it. Their heads fill with dread as their hearts pound with fear. Their greatest joy is seeing the danger in their rear view mirror.
The third group sees the sign, possibly have a little bit of an excited rush and enjoy the drive. If they have their camera, they will probably take a photo.
Life is filled with falling rocks. They can show up in your personal life, relationships, work and church. What will you do when you see the falling rocks sign?
Proverbs 23:7 “For as he thinks in his heart, so is he...” NKJV
Attitude is everything-a good one can lead to blessings
Falling Rocks, you see the bright, yellow, international sign for them through the Southwest. The signs are not road decorations. They are very clear indicators of what could happen. As a matter of record, there was a bus driver killed several years ago near Taos, New Mexico due to falling rocks. The New Mexico Department of Transportation spends thousands of dollars a year trying to prevent rocks from falling on cars, people and other things.
Funny things happen when people first become aware of falling rocks. They do one of three things.
The first response is pure, unadulterated fear. When people see the sign they want to stop and turn around. They want to avoid any possibility of harm, stress or risk, so they retreat. Their idea of a bad day is being squashed like a bug and being the lead story on the ten o’clock “Breaking News.”
The second response is to drive through the dangerous pass shaking in their boots. These people do not enjoy the drive they endure it. Their heads fill with dread as their hearts pound with fear. Their greatest joy is seeing the danger in their rear view mirror.
The third group sees the sign, possibly have a little bit of an excited rush and enjoy the drive. If they have their camera, they will probably take a photo.
Life is filled with falling rocks. They can show up in your personal life, relationships, work and church. What will you do when you see the falling rocks sign?
Proverbs 23:7 “For as he thinks in his heart, so is he...” NKJV
Attitude is everything-a good one can lead to blessings
Sunday, July 12, 2009
Blindsided by Extramarital Affairs: Part 4 - Risky Marriage Styles
Risky Marriage Styles
By John Thurman M.Div., M.A., LCMHC
What about Sandra Bullock's marriage, put it at a high risk for an affair?
First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes the couple with a baby carriage.
It doesn’t always work out that way does it? With over thirty-five years in the people helping business I have never met someone who planned on cheating on their spouse or having an affair. I don’t believe anyone starts off a marriage with any idea that it could crash and burn because of a third party. Having said that, I am amazed at how much a couple will spend on a wedding without investing in some premarital counseling. It seems that or media-based culture has put more emphasis on the event than on the relationship.
Whatever happened to the vows, to love and cherish, in sickness and in health, for better or for worse…All that being said, research has shown us that there are certain styles of marriage that are at a higher risk for and affair.
My mentor and friend, Dave Carder, first wrote of these styles in his book Torn Asunder and expands this concept in his book Close Calls: What Adulterers Want You to Know about Protecting Your Marriage.
Marital Styles
The Windshield Wiper – This type of marriage centers on avoiding intimacy at all costs through bickering, fighting, demands, criticism, mean-spirited teasing, stated disappointments and even open conflict.
Dial Tone – This is most like the dial tone on your land line phone. There is never any deviation, no variation, extremely predictable and conflict is always avoided. One example; She puts the food on his plate because; “He won’t eat right unless I put it in front of him.”
Empty Nest – This couple looks good on the outside. They are the perfect, conscientious business man or the perfect mother. They have put their time in, done their duty, and are out of the door the around the same time the last child goes off to either school or marriage.
If you are feeling like you fall into one of these styles be sure to take measures to protect your relationship. If you would like a realistic look at your relationship, why not check out the Couple’s Checkup.
Keep and eye on your heart, mind, and marriage.
John Thurman
By John Thurman M.Div., M.A., LCMHC
What about Sandra Bullock's marriage, put it at a high risk for an affair?
First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes the couple with a baby carriage.
It doesn’t always work out that way does it? With over thirty-five years in the people helping business I have never met someone who planned on cheating on their spouse or having an affair. I don’t believe anyone starts off a marriage with any idea that it could crash and burn because of a third party. Having said that, I am amazed at how much a couple will spend on a wedding without investing in some premarital counseling. It seems that or media-based culture has put more emphasis on the event than on the relationship.
Whatever happened to the vows, to love and cherish, in sickness and in health, for better or for worse…All that being said, research has shown us that there are certain styles of marriage that are at a higher risk for and affair.
My mentor and friend, Dave Carder, first wrote of these styles in his book Torn Asunder and expands this concept in his book Close Calls: What Adulterers Want You to Know about Protecting Your Marriage.
Marital Styles
The Windshield Wiper – This type of marriage centers on avoiding intimacy at all costs through bickering, fighting, demands, criticism, mean-spirited teasing, stated disappointments and even open conflict.
Dial Tone – This is most like the dial tone on your land line phone. There is never any deviation, no variation, extremely predictable and conflict is always avoided. One example; She puts the food on his plate because; “He won’t eat right unless I put it in front of him.”
Empty Nest – This couple looks good on the outside. They are the perfect, conscientious business man or the perfect mother. They have put their time in, done their duty, and are out of the door the around the same time the last child goes off to either school or marriage.
If you are feeling like you fall into one of these styles be sure to take measures to protect your relationship. If you would like a realistic look at your relationship, why not check out the Couple’s Checkup.
Keep and eye on your heart, mind, and marriage.
John Thurman
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