The Christmas season can be a time of joy and dread. It can be a time of warm memories, and joy or a season of sadness and depression.
So if you are feeling like you are a victim of the Christmas blahs, the Hanukkah malaise, the Kwanza ennui, and for the neo pagans among is, the Solstice slump here are sixteen things you can do to lower your Holiday Stress
1. Remember the reason for the season.
2. Keep your expectations in reality.
3. Chill out, go with the flow. Relax!
4. Give yourself a break from your own perfectionism.
5. Take your medications, supplements, and vitamins.
6. Get outside and exercise.
7. Shop for the really important people first.
8. Buy yourself a toy you always wanted, but don't use your credit card to get it.
9 Think before you speak. Try making a list of "Topics to Avoid"
10. Look and pray for creative solutions to problems.
11. Do something-stay active.
12. FOR STEPFAMILIES: gather on neutral ground-meet at a place that belongs to no one.
14. Go to a church serivce.
15. Take some healthy time to be alone.
16. Choose to have a Blessed and Merry Christmas.
Friday, December 18, 2009
Saturday, November 7, 2009
Sgt Kimberly Munley, Sheepdog and Hero
I doubt Sgt Kimberly Munley reported to her duty station expecting anything other than a routine day when she began her shift at Ft. Hood. Little did she know that her world as well as the world of countless soldiers and Department of Defense civilians would turn into a violent toxic mess that day.
On that day she moved from being a police sergeant to a national hero. Why? Because Sgt Kimberly Munley is a sheepdog. From what I have read, she did what she was trained to do as an armed police officer in an "active shooter" situation she ran towards the shooter and engaged him and shot him.
LTC David Grossman, author of On Killing and On Combat, and various articles on the impact o media violence, says there are three types of people in the world. I want to focus on two.
The wolf, whether in their right mind or not has a mission to intimidate, destroy and kill sheep. The sheepdog, on the other hand, loves the sheep and is willing to face danger and run toward trouble in order to protect the sheep and neutralize the wolf.
Thank God for Sheepdogs like Sgt. Munley
On that day she moved from being a police sergeant to a national hero. Why? Because Sgt Kimberly Munley is a sheepdog. From what I have read, she did what she was trained to do as an armed police officer in an "active shooter" situation she ran towards the shooter and engaged him and shot him.
LTC David Grossman, author of On Killing and On Combat, and various articles on the impact o media violence, says there are three types of people in the world. I want to focus on two.
The wolf, whether in their right mind or not has a mission to intimidate, destroy and kill sheep. The sheepdog, on the other hand, loves the sheep and is willing to face danger and run toward trouble in order to protect the sheep and neutralize the wolf.
Thank God for Sheepdogs like Sgt. Munley
Monday, November 2, 2009
Leadership Crisis in the Church
As a church ministry team consultant I regularly talk with pastors about the challenges they face in ministry. As with any profession there are certain themes that seem to always be near the surface.
George Barna has done an exceptional job of noting trends and areas of interest for church leaders. His latest book focuses on some of the key issues leaders face in 2009-2010
The Barna Group, the gold standard of Church life recently released a powerful study on Church Leadership. Here is a sample with a link:
According to the research, the specific behaviors that leaders do most poorly include:
* Negotiating agreements that maximize benefits at minimal cost
* Attracting new resources to the organization – especially human and financial capital
* Developing and implementing individualized developmental plans for emerging leaders
* Nurturing robust relationships with existing colleagues, demonstrating sufficient care and attention to their needs
The research also discovered that leaders sometimes perceive themselves to be more effective at specific aspects of leading than their performance suggests. A prime example relates to vision. While an overwhelming majority of leaders believes that they are very effective at using the organization’s vision as their chief decision-making filter, the study found that one of the greatest weaknesses of most leaders is relying on the vision to protect the organization from over-commitment. “Leaders tend to point to their vision as the reason to say ‘yes’ to opportunities,” explained George Barna. “But our research showed that there is much less willingness to use the vision as a reason to say ‘no’ to opportunities that are not in the best interests of the organization.” Link to the article
George Barna has done an exceptional job of noting trends and areas of interest for church leaders. His latest book focuses on some of the key issues leaders face in 2009-2010
The Barna Group, the gold standard of Church life recently released a powerful study on Church Leadership. Here is a sample with a link:
According to the research, the specific behaviors that leaders do most poorly include:
* Negotiating agreements that maximize benefits at minimal cost
* Attracting new resources to the organization – especially human and financial capital
* Developing and implementing individualized developmental plans for emerging leaders
* Nurturing robust relationships with existing colleagues, demonstrating sufficient care and attention to their needs
The research also discovered that leaders sometimes perceive themselves to be more effective at specific aspects of leading than their performance suggests. A prime example relates to vision. While an overwhelming majority of leaders believes that they are very effective at using the organization’s vision as their chief decision-making filter, the study found that one of the greatest weaknesses of most leaders is relying on the vision to protect the organization from over-commitment. “Leaders tend to point to their vision as the reason to say ‘yes’ to opportunities,” explained George Barna. “But our research showed that there is much less willingness to use the vision as a reason to say ‘no’ to opportunities that are not in the best interests of the organization.” Link to the article
Tuesday, October 27, 2009
Internet Safety for Kids and Moms
You should worry about your kids and the Internet. It can be a Trojan Horse in your home if you don't monitor what comes in to your home via the web.
Several months ago I wrote a series of blogs on sexting. One of the best parent friendly resources I have on the net is www.wiredmoms.com. Please check them out for all of the best tips and tricks to monitor the web in your home.
Check out my article on Net Traps
The web is a tremendous place to learn and grow, but it also has a dark side...Parents check them out www.wiremoms.com
Several months ago I wrote a series of blogs on sexting. One of the best parent friendly resources I have on the net is www.wiredmoms.com. Please check them out for all of the best tips and tricks to monitor the web in your home.
Check out my article on Net Traps
The web is a tremendous place to learn and grow, but it also has a dark side...Parents check them out www.wiremoms.com
Beware of the Falling Rocks of Fear
By John H. Thurman Jr.
Falling Rocks, you see the bright, yellow, international sign for them through the Southwest. The signs are not road decorations. They are very clear indicators of what could happen. As a matter of record, there was a bus driver killed several years ago near Taos, New Mexico due to falling rocks. The New Mexico Department of Transportation spends thousands of dollars a year trying to prevent rocks from falling on cars, people and other things.
Funny things happen when people first become aware of falling rocks. They do one of three things.
The first response is pure, unadulterated fear. When people see the sign they want to stop and turn around. They want to avoid any possibility of harm, stress or risk, so they retreat. Their idea of a bad day is being squashed like a bug and being the lead story on the ten o’clock “Breaking News.”
The second response is to drive through the dangerous pass shaking in their boots. These people do not enjoy the drive they endure it. Their heads fill with dread as their hearts pound with fear. Their greatest joy is seeing the danger in their rear view mirror.
The third group sees the sign, possibly have a little bit of an excited rush and enjoy the drive. If they have their camera, they will probably take a photo.
Life is filled with falling rocks. They can show up in your personal life, relationships, work and church. What will you do when you see the falling rocks sign?
Proverbs 23:7 “For as he thinks in his heart, so is he...” NKJV
Attitude is everything-a good one can lead to blessings
Falling Rocks, you see the bright, yellow, international sign for them through the Southwest. The signs are not road decorations. They are very clear indicators of what could happen. As a matter of record, there was a bus driver killed several years ago near Taos, New Mexico due to falling rocks. The New Mexico Department of Transportation spends thousands of dollars a year trying to prevent rocks from falling on cars, people and other things.
Funny things happen when people first become aware of falling rocks. They do one of three things.
The first response is pure, unadulterated fear. When people see the sign they want to stop and turn around. They want to avoid any possibility of harm, stress or risk, so they retreat. Their idea of a bad day is being squashed like a bug and being the lead story on the ten o’clock “Breaking News.”
The second response is to drive through the dangerous pass shaking in their boots. These people do not enjoy the drive they endure it. Their heads fill with dread as their hearts pound with fear. Their greatest joy is seeing the danger in their rear view mirror.
The third group sees the sign, possibly have a little bit of an excited rush and enjoy the drive. If they have their camera, they will probably take a photo.
Life is filled with falling rocks. They can show up in your personal life, relationships, work and church. What will you do when you see the falling rocks sign?
Proverbs 23:7 “For as he thinks in his heart, so is he...” NKJV
Attitude is everything-a good one can lead to blessings
Sunday, July 12, 2009
Blindsided by Extramarital Affairs: Part 4 - Risky Marriage Styles
Risky Marriage Styles
By John Thurman M.Div., M.A., LCMHC
What about Sandra Bullock's marriage, put it at a high risk for an affair?
First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes the couple with a baby carriage.
It doesn’t always work out that way does it? With over thirty-five years in the people helping business I have never met someone who planned on cheating on their spouse or having an affair. I don’t believe anyone starts off a marriage with any idea that it could crash and burn because of a third party. Having said that, I am amazed at how much a couple will spend on a wedding without investing in some premarital counseling. It seems that or media-based culture has put more emphasis on the event than on the relationship.
Whatever happened to the vows, to love and cherish, in sickness and in health, for better or for worse…All that being said, research has shown us that there are certain styles of marriage that are at a higher risk for and affair.
My mentor and friend, Dave Carder, first wrote of these styles in his book Torn Asunder and expands this concept in his book Close Calls: What Adulterers Want You to Know about Protecting Your Marriage.
Marital Styles
The Windshield Wiper – This type of marriage centers on avoiding intimacy at all costs through bickering, fighting, demands, criticism, mean-spirited teasing, stated disappointments and even open conflict.
Dial Tone – This is most like the dial tone on your land line phone. There is never any deviation, no variation, extremely predictable and conflict is always avoided. One example; She puts the food on his plate because; “He won’t eat right unless I put it in front of him.”
Empty Nest – This couple looks good on the outside. They are the perfect, conscientious business man or the perfect mother. They have put their time in, done their duty, and are out of the door the around the same time the last child goes off to either school or marriage.
If you are feeling like you fall into one of these styles be sure to take measures to protect your relationship. If you would like a realistic look at your relationship, why not check out the Couple’s Checkup.
Keep and eye on your heart, mind, and marriage.
John Thurman
By John Thurman M.Div., M.A., LCMHC
What about Sandra Bullock's marriage, put it at a high risk for an affair?
First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes the couple with a baby carriage.
It doesn’t always work out that way does it? With over thirty-five years in the people helping business I have never met someone who planned on cheating on their spouse or having an affair. I don’t believe anyone starts off a marriage with any idea that it could crash and burn because of a third party. Having said that, I am amazed at how much a couple will spend on a wedding without investing in some premarital counseling. It seems that or media-based culture has put more emphasis on the event than on the relationship.
Whatever happened to the vows, to love and cherish, in sickness and in health, for better or for worse…All that being said, research has shown us that there are certain styles of marriage that are at a higher risk for and affair.
My mentor and friend, Dave Carder, first wrote of these styles in his book Torn Asunder and expands this concept in his book Close Calls: What Adulterers Want You to Know about Protecting Your Marriage.
Marital Styles
The Windshield Wiper – This type of marriage centers on avoiding intimacy at all costs through bickering, fighting, demands, criticism, mean-spirited teasing, stated disappointments and even open conflict.
Dial Tone – This is most like the dial tone on your land line phone. There is never any deviation, no variation, extremely predictable and conflict is always avoided. One example; She puts the food on his plate because; “He won’t eat right unless I put it in front of him.”
Empty Nest – This couple looks good on the outside. They are the perfect, conscientious business man or the perfect mother. They have put their time in, done their duty, and are out of the door the around the same time the last child goes off to either school or marriage.
If you are feeling like you fall into one of these styles be sure to take measures to protect your relationship. If you would like a realistic look at your relationship, why not check out the Couple’s Checkup.
Keep and eye on your heart, mind, and marriage.
John Thurman
Blindsided by an Affair Part 3: Know Your Risk History
Avoiding Extramarital Affairs, Part 3
By John H. Thurman Jr., M.Div., M.A., LCMHC
As you continue to look at risk factors that can lead to an infidelity or cheating you must look at your risky history.
While I was in graduate school one of my fellow students asked the professor if there was ever a time that a person could be free of risks and temptation. The professor wisely pondered the student question and answered, “Of Course, when you are no longer breathing. Then it will not matter.”
Knowing and understanding how our family history and personality style work are important. However; we also need to be keenly aware of certain situations that can open us to higher risk factors of getting involved in an affair.
Cheaters rarely cheat in a vacuum.
A working knowledge of your risk factors will go a long way in protecting you from an affair.
Dave Carder’s research, in Close Calls, shows that there are certain “High Risk Zones that we need to keep an eye on.
High-Risk Times
• Times of loss
• Life Transitions
• Pregnancy
• Chronic, Long-Term Illness
High-Risk Behaviors
• Opposite Sex Friendships
• Workplace Affairs
• Hobbies
• Volunteer Opportunities
• “Soloing” in Public Places
• Fantasizing
• Internet
Live with your heart and eyes open.
John Thurman, M.Div ., M.A., LCMHC
For help in Affair Recovery contact John.
Check out Dave Carder's Torn Asunder, John's #1 for Affair Recover
By John H. Thurman Jr., M.Div., M.A., LCMHC
As you continue to look at risk factors that can lead to an infidelity or cheating you must look at your risky history.
While I was in graduate school one of my fellow students asked the professor if there was ever a time that a person could be free of risks and temptation. The professor wisely pondered the student question and answered, “Of Course, when you are no longer breathing. Then it will not matter.”
Knowing and understanding how our family history and personality style work are important. However; we also need to be keenly aware of certain situations that can open us to higher risk factors of getting involved in an affair.
Cheaters rarely cheat in a vacuum.
A working knowledge of your risk factors will go a long way in protecting you from an affair.
Dave Carder’s research, in Close Calls, shows that there are certain “High Risk Zones that we need to keep an eye on.
High-Risk Times
• Times of loss
• Life Transitions
• Pregnancy
• Chronic, Long-Term Illness
High-Risk Behaviors
• Opposite Sex Friendships
• Workplace Affairs
• Hobbies
• Volunteer Opportunities
• “Soloing” in Public Places
• Fantasizing
• Internet
Live with your heart and eyes open.
John Thurman, M.Div ., M.A., LCMHC
For help in Affair Recovery contact John.
Check out Dave Carder's Torn Asunder, John's #1 for Affair Recover
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