Sexting; What a Parent Can Do Part 2 of 3

He came into my office visibly upset we shared a quick greeting and before you know it he shoved a cell phone close to my eyes and said, “Look at this!” I was thrown for a loop when I began to focus on the screen of his fifteen year old daughter’s cell phone. It was her sans blouse and supporting garments. First of all there is no woman young or old that I need to see other than my wife. This still somewhat shocking episode, but it began a new phase of my counseling practice, working with parents and their teens after the teen has been busted for sexting.

Since that cold winter day a little over a year and a half ago I have worked with a dozen or so teens and their families coming to terms with this phenomenon.

How has this happened? First of all teens are not well known for impulse control, but up until the advent of the camera phone and web cams, the photos of nude and semi-nude teens was regulated to “Girls Gone Wild,” and other shady and pornographic sites, but that has all changed and parents need to wake up and smell the coffee.

What most parents don’t realize is that their kids can sometime play them for the fool. You don’t have to be a techno wizard or a curator of pop culture to know a little bit about Facebook, My Space, and tweeting on Twitter. In an article from the current Reader’s Digest, Pamela Paul, author of Pornified: How Pornography is Transforming our Lives, Our Relationships, and Our Families, “It ‘s pretty appalling…Among girls and boys, porn has become increasingly accepted, even as kind of cool.” A far cry from sneaking a peak at you older brother’s Playboy. Now, nude and semi-nude images of young men and women are a mere click or two away from any internet user.

Here are some guidelines:

You are the parent-you have every right to have access to your child internet accounts and cell phone, after all, you do pay for them. Forget about their privacy, accept when it comes to using the bathroom and dressing. Be nosy, know where they are going and where they have been. Here are some resources that can help.

www.wiredmoms.com - you should really check this group out, they will show you how to check up on you kids.

Cell Phone Spy Elite-a device from www.security.com that retrieves deleted text messages from cell phones.

Sage Eyes, from internet safety.com. tracks your kids instant messaging, monitors online social networks, and can impose online minute restrictions.

www.websafety.com-software you can load into your kid’s cellphone and computer alerts that will advise you if inappropriate content is going out.

www.yoursphere.com-a fairly safe social network

LMK, for “Let Me Know,” is based on the Girl Scouts site (lmk.girlscouts.org), where girls can talk to other girls about internet safety. Keep buying those cookies.

Sexting, What a Parent Can do Part 2 of 3

Sexting Part 1 Contiued

One way to know more about teens and sexting is to check out this link http://www.abcnews.go.com/GMA/story?id=7337547&page=1

Sexting , What a parent can do.- Part 1 of 4

Five months ago a former counseling client of mind dropped by the office for a quick visit. He seemed upset and as he entered the room he said, "Look at this! What to do I do about this?" He politely yet forcefully pushed a cellphone up to my eyes to view a topless picture of his fifteen year old daughter that she had emailed to her boyfriend. As as side note I have elected to never view a cell phone photo that a parent wants to show me.

In the past three months I have has three parents bring their 12-16 year old daughters into the office for sexting, sending partial nude or totally nude photos of themselves to their boyfriends.

Over the next few days I will be giving you links and key things you, as a parent can do to, to be effective in lowering the risk for you teen.

Principle 1 - You are the parent, you pay the bill, you own the phone, you have a right and responsibility to be a good watchdog.

Principle 2 - Get out of denial and learn how to check up on your kid. Privacy has to do with changing clothes and going to the bathroom, not all of their communications.

Check out this link from Good Morning America it is a group called wired moms, that gives you tools for checking out your kid's web presence. Here is their twitter page http://twitter.com/wiredmoms
John

Top Five Gripes Men Have About Women

Ladies, the mystery is solved. Research conducted by Dr. Micheal Cunningham confirms what I have thought for a long time. Men do have a common thread of gripes about women. In an effort to appreciate the differences here they are.

1. The silent treatment. Need I say more.
2. Bringing things up from the distant past.
3. Being too hot or too cold
4. Being critical
5. Being stubborn or refusing to give in.

I will write more on these later.

Six Ways to Treat Depression without Medication

By John Thurman M.Div., M.A., LCMHC

Feeling blue? Are you in a minor depression? Want to try and avoid medication?

With the roller coaster financial market, looming lay offs, rocky relationships and high divorces...it is no small matter that 6 million men were diagnosed with depression last year.

While you should get checked out by your doctor, and might look into some short-term therapy here are four things you can do to push back depression.

1. Sweat - P. Murali Doraiswamy, MD, chief of biological psychiatry at Duke University was part of a team that compared aerobic activity (30 min 3x a week, walking, cycling, or using an elliptical) with Zoloft. The studies found exercising "to be equally effective for treating mild to moderate depression."

2. Eat better - More salads, less red meat, fewer spirits and less sugar can impact mood in a positive way. Too much sugar, alcohol, food in general will slow you down.

3. Change the brain chatter - Learn how to challenge irrational thoughts and replace them with the good stuff.

4. Get more sunlight - Early morning light actually helps you feel better.

5. Go to church - Reconnecting spiritually is a proven way to improve you outlook and build hope.

6. Get involved in a small group. A bible study, life group, a task oriented group, or a support group. Being involved with a small group has multiple benefits.

Free Depression Tip Sheet

Overcoming Depression

Now that I have established some basic info concerning Major Depression, and have given you some very basic things you can do, I'd like to turn my attention to some practical ways you can begin to move out from depression into joy.

Apart from medications, exercise, supplements, and medical care there are some things you can do both with you thinking and with your spirituality to help push back depression.

I am a strong believer in the notion that Feelings are the direct result of Thoughts and one of the keys to overcoming depression is to understand how the sad thought process works.

Here is a basic view of the A-B-C's of how thoughts impact out feelings

A - Adversity, what pushes your buttons. People struggling with depression and other mood disorders this usually involves some type of loss. I will discuss this more in my next blog. The adversity is an event that stimulates a thought process.

B - Belief, the immediate belief that pop up when adversity hits the button.

C- Consequences, the resulting feelings that result when A+B happens

One of the keys to overcoming depression is to realize how this sequence can have an impact on how your deal with depression.

Here are some things you can do to begin the process of moving out of depression into hope.

• If you have been depressed or have had feelings of hopelessness or suicide get checked out by your physician, particularly if you have felt this way for more than a couple of weeks.
  
• If you need therapy, get some.
• Begin taking a good multivitamin and some Omega 3, (this will not cure depression, but will help your brain and body push back on depression.
  
• Check out some helpful websites: Dr. Daniel Amen, My Depression Tip Sheet, Focus on the Family
• Check out my Bible Study on Depression
• Avoid isolation, be sure to be around people who know and love you.
• Begin moving, working out, walking around your block. Physical exercise can give you additional energy to defeat depression.
• Look at coming to my Overcoming Depression Conference in Colorado Springs in late January

Next entry will look at the three types of losses and how they can set us up for depression.